Very early ramblings

It's very early Saturday morning, I went to bed early last night and fell instantly into a deep sleep which lasted about 2 hours, after which I proceeded to waken every hour on the hour until I finally decided to get up. So here I am with the window open and the cool air wafting into the room, the night noises are loud and incessant. I love it when the air turns cooler and I can open the windows and turn the air conditioner off, knowing of course that there might be at most a month before I'll need to close the windows again this time for warmth. It's September and the Jewish new year, Rosh HaShanah initiated the 10 day period of soul searching and atonement which will culminate next weekend in a day of fasting, Yom Kippur. It's a time to think deeply about the previous year and the one to come, to ask forgiveness of those whom you may have offended and to remember those individuals dear to you who have passed on. I always ask my children to forgive me for anything I may have done to hurt them, either intentionally or not. I mourn the loss of loved ones, especially remembering my sister Ilene and my mother who both passed away too soon and without warning. This year I'm struggling with the reality of the escalation of my Parkinson's symptoms and the knowing that I have to change my expectations of myself and accept that I have changed and my daily life will need to change. I need to be kinder to myself and build in the necessary rest time, slow down the pace and silence the inner critic. I need to re-order my priorities and place HEALTH at the top of the list. Family will fall in a close second place and work will move to the bottom or off of the list entirely. As one friend counseled, it's not "disability", it's "sustainability". It's taking care of me. I've taken care of others happily and willingly, now I've got to turn my attention to myself without self pity.